Daria, Bartek and Weronika live in their own worlds and have keys to them as well.

Alienation – not wanted – makes them unable to integrate with the rest of the society. About people with Aspergers Syndrome – untypical disorder, a light kind of autism. Distinctness of now 40-years-old Bartek was manifested since the kindergarten, when he sat on the corner of the room and didn’t touch any toys. Daria, since she has recalled, for the very beginning was different from other people – by the way she spoke, thought and perceived the world around her. And Weronika, although she heard about her autism when she was already an adult, for the time of childhood knew that she had functioned in the other way, in opposite of her acquaintances.
They don’t talk about their dreams, but things to do. They have problems with recognizing emotions of other people, but their intelligence is said to be outstanding. They like focusing on the one of the knowledge domain, in which they want to be perfect. They can describe their weak points with a medical precision and analyze their disorders, too. They don’t avoid the issue and have full awareness of the obstacles to overcome, which they won’t defeat completely, even with taking medicines and attending to the therapy meetings.

It’s still me

– I feel like a soul imprisoned in an alien body. It’s still me, but I don’t have full control of myself – explains Daria, 22, telling the story of her short life. She is a charming, adorable girl. She amazes with really apposite sentences, which refers to the problem much better than dissertations of doctors. – I have all human features, but not in the right proportion. That is why there occurs a dissonance between her learnt behavior and a burst of aggression. She knows she is in public, where all people have to obey identical rules. She is holding back her emotions, but if only someone surprises her with a question she is not prepared for, she loses her temper at once. Sometimes she is comprehensive for no reason, when it comes to meet a new person or something unexpected happens. – I am afraid of extreme situations, because I don’t know how to act then. – explains.
That kind of feeling can take her over by seeing a man walking calmly on the sidewalk. He might not have bad intentions, but, all of sudden, she is afraid of coming across him. It may always occur. They can bump into themselves, so what will be later? To avoid that, she stands by the townhouses… It’s hard to be prepared for things like that.
She is waiting for the bus with others. The bus is going so close that she is sometimes took over by panic. She screams loud then. She says: – My fear can’t be covered by clothes. I pass every test, understand everything people say to me. During my matura exam I wrote about women in Mr Tadeusz (Polish famous book) – Telimena and Zosia. I passed, wanted to go to study physics, but I didn’t have enough points. Even when everything around is calm and I sit in front of my computer screen I am worried about the future – don’t want my parents to maintain me. A headache can be cured, but not Aspergers, so I still will be the man of a high risk.
She is telling that like it is related to completely other person. Sometimes something odd comes into her coherent story; it attracts the attention. When she found out she has Aspergers at the age of 16, she thought: I am a person with defined disorder. And that’s all. She knows that it is not actually she that poses that kind of behavior, but Aspergers provokes her to do such a thing. There’s nothing she can do but to accept that and avoid the stressful situations. She is becoming more and more better in that.

Sometimes I have empty and cold eyes

Talkative and vital, bursting out with the stream of words leading to logical results. She is not hesitating in wonder how to answer the question. There is no taboo for her; she does not look for the missing sentence in her mind. She is including foreign words, giving equally the sample of oratorical speech, although Weronika is not studying law. She dreamed of studying Japanese, but – as she explained – had got bad luck and failed. She needed only three points more to study Japanese, but it didn’t work. A test system is killing creativity, Szymborska (famous Polish poet) got only 60% score from her poems – claiming.
She chose English Linguistics and Culture on UAM, but she is not giving up on one language. She is learning Spanish, Brazilian Portuguese and can’t stop thinking of Japanese language and culture. She is not afraid of learning, rather of working with group. She prefers to work on her own, because she wants to be responsible only for herself.
– I was diagnosed for 7 years; at the age of 11 I heard I have emotional disorder, then came social fear. I got a final diagnosis when I was 18. It was a great shock for me. My mum said:
– My God, it was about you! – recalled.
Late dx was beneficial for her, because she grew up without an anathema of Aspergers. She doesn’t have a feeling that she is living in a strange world. But she knew that something is wrong with her, but no one suggested AS. But how could it be recognized that someone has AS? How to find the signs covered by the clever brain?
– People with Aspergers have cold and empty eyes. I sometimes have that ones. Like all people with AS, I have problems with reading some subtle signs, like sarcasm. I can’t integrate with people; it will be always beyond me – counts her disease features, which resembles these ones from the books.
She’s adding: I am the programmer of my mind. She wants to take over the world and she knows it is in her reach. Her knowledge about the world is deeper than in case of talented people, but NT ones. They bother their brain both with people and emotions. She is focused on her list of things to do. She writes articles for Angora (kind of Polish quality press), where she filters politics with critic attitude and sarcasm. She is writing aricles for the magazine devoured to Japan and Korea.
She is afraid of getting married and children. After two years of relationship with her boyfriend she realized that it is too much for her:
– My definition of love is sort of defective and specific, I have problems with contact as well. Her mother is still afraid, when she starts to gush. Weronika’s behavior depends on her attitude, the level of stress and medicines making her stable:
– If everyone was a bit more tolerant, a lot of my fears would drain away at once… – says and it sounds like an appeal.

Like Louis II Bavarian

By Daria and Weronika that symbolizes the talkative nature of Aspergers, Bartek is looking like an oasis of a man’s calamity. A typical introvert. He answers with short sentences for questions about his MA‘s thesis, which, as he heard, with some revising it could give him a title of PhD. With the same attitude he explains to me the philosophers of 20th century and talks about one of the most important issues in the philosophy – a phenomenology. That way he is encouraging to talk with him and he is worth-trusty and distance, which was supposed to be impossible to overcome, became less.
– If there was no obligation to school, I would deal with everything – he starts, talking about his education from a kindergarten to the matura exam. The first step was the worst one. Up till now he can see himself separated from kids in the corner, not willing even to touch toys. In the primary school it was not better at all.
– I was outstanding from the start and at school I had to act in the same way as the others.
Besides, he had to struggle with dyslexia, which made the life even harder. He willingly recalls about the extra classes on the university. He had no fear to talk in front of students. He could attract the attention of them and was always prepared. He liked the job until the day he noticed that he is treated worse than at the beginning. He had no problems with students, but his colleagues started to annoy him by commenting his clothes and words he said.
He started going through the corridor secretly and avoiding the contact with his co-workers. He tried to become invisible. He was so stressed with going into the office that he couldn’t break through. That was why he was fired.
Bartek does not feel loneliness in his wealth, own world that makes him feel comfortable and gives him intellectual profits. In those virtual boarders he is reading Herbert (Polish poet) and listen to Wysocki. Without any help, he learnt Russian, German and English. He has a lot of books on his table: Tolstoy’s ones about Peter I, English science-fictions, talking about his fascination of the book. He is writing, too – has a few ended texts and a few to finish.
– I am good at synthesis, but I don’t have a person who could check the texts out, improve and – finally – send somewhere.
He is 40 now and wants to show his skills to the world. He wants to lead a theater for children. He wants to be useful, but he is afraid of that. He mentioned Louis II, who had Aspergers and built a special palace for himself. Bartek has already had one – the independence of spirit. The only thing he desires is to gain something that will bring him some money.

Source: Głos Wielkopolski, Inne życie dzieci Aspergera, Danuta Pawlicka, 13, October 2012